Lights Out
by caseyedith
Summary: He was the blood on the streets, unbeknownst to the populace. When the lights went out each night, it was his shadow that appeared like the wisps of smoke from extinguished lanterns. Sometimes, he wondered if he was even real. [Cliched idea, Kenshin in the Bakumatsu, angst, angst, and more angst. Inspired by "Lights Out" by Breaking Benjamin]


**LIGHTS OUT**

* * *

A/N: This is cliche, I know, I'm sorry. But the song "Lights Out" by Breaking Benjamin inspired this, and I just really wanted to write it because I love that song and how almost perfectly it fits Rurouni Kenshin. So, I recommend checking out the song to see where I was coming from with this! And I hope you like it anyway :).

* * *

"Who-who are you?!"

A slight shadow appeared from an alley, barely silhouetted by the crescent moon, more ominous in its deceptive immaterialness.

"…I am with the Ishin Shishi, Choshuu faction. You are an enemy to the new era, and have been selected to die. Prepare yourself, and farewell."

"Not if I have something to say about it!"

The victim's ferocious battle cry met with terrifying silence, and was ended in a strangled noise. The mysterious assailant didn't break his stride as he turned on the henchmen that had been accompanying his target. They charged. He struck.

All was finished in a matter of moments.

* * *

"Good work, Kenshin."

Iizuka clapped him on the back when he met him at the inn after clean-up. Kenshin allowed it, but with a dark surliness which Iizuka would have cringed away from had he seen it.

"So, do you have any plans for the rest of the evening? You're always done with work so early!"

His weak attempt at a joke was met with more silence, and a glare. He recoiled slightly.

"All right, I guess that's a no. But as long as you're being magnanimous, I have some news I want to share with you."

At the mention of news, Kenshin perked up. His expectant expression prompted Iizuka to continue.

"You've always been weird about being informed…" He sighed, grinned a little, and then said, "There's been talk about a monster in Kyoto lately."

Not believing his ears, Kenshin paused. Was Iizuka toying with him? Didn't he know better than that?

"It's the scariest monster I've ever heard of, too. It doesn't have a name, or even a voice. It's hardly a shadow, more of a force of nature. But wherever it strikes, men die."

Kenshin's mind was quickly putting the pieces together.

"No one has seen me. I've killed them all."

Iizuka paled at the unexpected deadness in his comrade's voice. When he put it so bluntly…

"Yes, I…I know, Kenshin, I'm always there, remember? You've done excellent work, it's been getting more excellent all the time since the incident a couple months ago. However, someone has apparently noticed all of the recent deaths on the Bakufu's side. It was only a matter of time, after all…"

Kenshin was glaring murderously by this point, and so Iizuka hurriedly said, "Well, anyway, I had a point to all of this. Since you've been so good at keeping yourself a secret, the populace have decided that no warrior could have done these things. They've begun to whisper about a demon. It's even brought some new recruits to our side, who are all convinced that we've been anointed by the gods. Whether or not they can be trusted is the concern.

"And my second point: you should watch your back very carefully. The Bakufu aren't going to take these assassinations lying down. They won't believe in a demon until they see one. And they can never ever see you."

His speech was cut short as Kenshin walked away.

"Hey, Kenshin!"

"Thank you for the news, but I've heard enough." Kenshin's stormy glare didn't dissipate until he finally entered his private room. Then it fell, and was replaced with an expression of dark tiredness.

…_a monster in Kyoto…_

…_wherever it strikes, men die…_

…_No one has seen me. I've killed them all…_

…_They've begun to whisper about a demon…_

…_And they can never ever see you…_

The chorus of nightmarish whispers roiled incessantly in his blood-weary mind. He knew what he was, but to hear it spoken of so bluntly by people he did not even know, did not even threaten or kill… That was an unimaginable pain to him, one he was surprised that he could still feel. Most of the pain associated with his work had been buried. Or so he had thought…

And now the Bakufu were suspicious too. He supposed that only made sense.

_I wish they would find me, and put an end to his miserable business._

He only half-berated him for that morbid thought, thinking of his reasons for joining the revolutionaries in the first place. No matter what they asked of him, he never seemed to forget that he'd promised to help protect the people. Even though his primary job was killing, he had promised, and was hanging on to the conviction that it would help in the end. It had to. He had shed too much blood for this to come to naught.

_I am a monster. A demon. I am everything they say_.

He ruminated darkly on the words of unseen faces that he now knew were speaking of him. Even though they didn't know of whom they spoke, they were right.

And he knew, though it pained him in a deeper place than he could acknowledge, that he would continue being the monster.

He had promised and had shed too much blood. A monster was a beast, after all, and did not stop his madness until someone laid him dead.

But that would never happen to him.

He knew he could kill them all.

* * *

The sake had tasted strongly of blood that night.

That was his only coherent thought as he stared into her dark, fathomless eyes, and then lingered on the blood that had fallen like tear drops on her left cheek. Was that his, or the other assassin's? Would he—could he—add hers to that night's toll?

As she said something to him in a low, soft voice, about raining blood, he knew that he couldn't do it. He couldn't kill a woman. Such a thing had never been required of him before, and it just didn't matter that she'd seen him or not. He couldn't… The sake… His soul…

He rushed to catch her as she teetered dangerously, about to fall. Then he lifted her up effortlessly, and caught the scent of hakubaiko. Such a sweet, pleasant fragrance for such a macabre occasion… Perhaps the only untainted thing there…

* * *

Was it possible to dispel years of bloodshed with just that single pure scent?

Kenshin was beginning to believe that it was.

His mind was clearer when Tomoe was near; she reminded him of why he joined the war in the first place.

And with each passing day, he felt his attachment to her grow. She made him want to be better; he was beginning to realize how badly he needed that ability to hope.

* * *

What was the point?

Once upon a time, Kenshin would have thought it ironic that heaven found it necessary to so cruelly punish him, when he fought with everything he had for heaven's justice.

But he hadn't meant for her to become a victim of heaven's wrath. Anyone but her.

Why not him?

It just wasn't right. He'd said that to her in tear-soaked words.

But she, being Tomoe, had asked him to live.

And so, life went on, though he abandoned himself heart and soul to the hopelessness that had taken her place.

* * *

Battosai's shadow only seemed to grow as time moved on.

Everyone knew his name, his general description, for whom he fought.

And with Tomoe gone, his sight was less clear. It made matters worse that he now had to fight on the front lines, and serve as a symbol for the patriots. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this symbol would be all he ever stood for in the current of time.

But he couldn't find room to care. He just wanted to fall into the flow and drown.

* * *

As he abandoned the battle field, he left more than fallen warriors and an old era.

He also left his days of bloodshed behind, as he'd promised. And he took the first tentative steps forward into a life of repentance.

Battosai was dead, but while Himura Kenshin still lived, he lived in the dark shadow still.

It was all he could do to keep striving for the barest glimmer of light that taunted him in the distance.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! _ce


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